06 Apr 10 by Matt Young
A CD titled Ladies Night: The Ultimate Cougar Collection, was sent to the NINE TO FIVE office recently, prompting a debate on the phenomenon now sweeping the world. Heck, even Courtney Cox is starring in a show about it.
Tracks on this particular CD feature Kate Ceberano’s Young Boys Are My Weakness, Donna Summer’s Bad Girls and Duran Duran’s Hungry Like the Wolf. See a pattern here?
The question seems to be: Is a cougar just a sexually charged woman in her 40s, who preys on younger men for the purposes of sexual enjoyment? Or is there more to it than meets the eye?
‘‘Absolutely’’, says Texan blogger and author Dr Monica ‘‘mOe’’ Anderson.
On her blog, thecougarcommandments.com, Anderson says that although the general definition of a cougar is that of an “ageing sex kitten,” the cougar is overly misrepresented.
“This popular tendency to define self-reliant women by their sensuality instead of their success is just wrong,” she says.
“My field research and personal observation is that cougars are forged from a lifetime of making more good choices than poor choices, not formed instantly from a single decision to date a younger man.”
Anderson is calling for the redefinition of the term “cougar”; less of the sultry vixen and more of the intelligent, independent, hard working woman.
“(A cougar should represent) accomplished, vivacious, and unapologetically goal-oriented women,” she says.
“Cougars are not born with these qualities; we are forged. And if younger men, or any men, like the results of our trials by fire it is merely a pleasant side effect, not the intended result.”
Apparently the men aren’t complaining either. It seems a lot of younger men are attracted to the idea of the cougar. There’s even a Facebook site, called Cougar Hunters Australia. (Although we warn you ladies, these boys are rough around the edges).
With a slug that goes, “For all you aussies (sic) who love the occasional cougar!” it seems the proof is in the pudding.
“Several cougars are on the loose,” the group continues. “Recent studys (sic) have shown that men aged 18-25 are on the hunt for a cougar. Please help their seach (sic) continue.”
And from stats produced by the dating service Fast Impressions, the boys are on the hunt, and can’t get enough. The dating service even started a ‘‘Toy Boy’’ event in 2009.
This caters for various age groups and can involve men in their 20s and 30s speed dating women in their 40s and 50s. The overwhelming response has led to the event spreading to Canberra, Brisbane, Perth, Sydney and Melbourne.
Match rates at Toy Boy events are consistently at 90 per cent or above, the highest of any of Fast Impressions’ ‘‘special interest’’ events.
Chris, a 25 year-old Dutch man living in Sydney, has been a successful Toy Boy speed dater.
At 19, he dated a 30 year-old. At 23, a 41-year old. “The age gap has been going up as I get older,” he says.
“It’s more than just sexual, It’s also about great conversation and things you can do together. I think older women are more about having fun.”
Chris says younger women are more driven to have the husband, the dog, and the picket fence.
“When I came to Sydney my friends arranged for me to go to a normal speed dating event,” he said.
“The girls were younger than I was, 21 to 25, and I enjoyed myself, but I noticed that younger girls were more into serious questions about relationships, and sometimes about marriage and children.”
The idea of younger women being more serious about relationships compared to older women is in theory an odd thought, but Chris swears it’s true.
“With older women its more about having fun. I met a woman who was 46 and we just enjoyed ourselves.”
Perhaps the key to figuring out the cougar is not about the quest to find out the how and why.
Perhaps it is simply – shock horror – that these are independent 40-something year-old women who have great jobs, are single, and who break down the social boundaries. In any case, it seems these frisky felines are here to stay, whiskers and all.
Monica ‘‘Dr. mOe’’ Anderson’s blog can be found at thecougarcommandments.com.
Monica “Dr. mOe” Anderson’s Top 10 Cougar Commandments
1. Pursue your passions, not people. Independent women have inner beauty and outer charisma that can’t be purchased at a boutique or cosmetics counter. No one refers to an economically challenged, yet beautiful woman as a Cougar.
2. Avoid the fear factor. Every great endeavor has great risks. When you fall, fall forward. Learn from your mistakes in life and love. Then, try again more intelligently.
3. Delegate the dishes. Success requires focus. Don’t hesitate to ask for help from friends and family, especially teens. If they can text, they can type.
4. Fake it ‘til you bake it. Your life is a delicate soufflé, not microwave popcorn. It takes time and effort to reach realistic goals. Concentrate on the outcome you want and always act, dress, and speak like a CEO even if you’re only an assistant—right now.
5. Never roar like a lion. You don’t have to be one of the boys to play with the boys. Effectively communicate without shouting (or crying) and you’ll be taken seriously.
6. Don’t compete with your past. They’re lying. Forty is not the new thirty. Embrace and flaunt your experience. Don’t waste today mourning yesterday.
7. Change your mind often. Change is part of growth and pride is worthless in the store of life. Try new things and test new ideas.
8. Eat lunch with strangers. Only plants follow the sun. You’re not a plant and everyone has their unique brilliance. Spend time with other age groups, other cultures, and the opposite gender if you truly strive to r each new heig hts.
9. Schedule your mental breakdowns. Why randomly fall apart when you can take a vacation, take a nap, or hide in the bathroom ten minutes and relax your mind? Refreshed bodies are
creative, witty, and productive.
10. Never close your heart unless it’s temporarily under reconstruction. Loving your neighbor is the number one rule of every Cougar. And your neighbor happens to be ten years younger and very handsome, that’s called serendipity, a wonderful coincidence.
Re f : http://alive-syd ney.whereilive.com.au/lifestyle/story/eye-of-the-cougar/
